Of Explosions And Guards
by Alia el Bolock
Summary: What happens when you let your guard down? When you explode? Usually it's bad... you regret it... but sometimes... only sometimes, it was the right thing to do all along.


So I know I've been off the face of the earth for quite sometime now... but I'm back for now... and I hope I'll remain this way hehe...

here's a little something I came up with while trying to study...

This is for my lovely beta and friend Adela =D You've bared with me my busyness and have always been there... so here's little something for you...

PS I didn't let you beta it to surprise you first but after you read please feel free to do whatever you want with it.. so to all readers: this chapter may be reposted at a later time... =D

Enjoy... yeah and please please please let me know what you think...

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><p>Something was wrong with her and they all knew it. She'd been absent minded all day. She wasn't at all cheery. She didn't try to confuse them with her endless technobabble. She skipped the blue jell-o. She didn't hold eye contact with her CO when he teased her, didn't even smile at his jokes; or any other jokes for that matter. She was not herself. Not the Samantha Carter that gave life to the whole base, and everyone sensed it. So the whole base was awkward today. They were all silently worried but didn't dare discuss it together.<p>

"Carter?"

"Sir!"

"So?"

"..."

"Come on Carter, something's wrong with you and you know it."

"Sir. There's nothing wrong. I..."

"Carter. Don't even try to act stupid... it doesn't suit you."

"Well maybe it should start to, cause am not doing anything differently."

He frowned at the harshness of her tone. Unmissable.

"Carter?"

Should he try the testy threatening CO approach, or the "I care about her... a lot more than I'm supposed to" compassionate approach.

Judging by the state she was in he decided to go with the latter, as the former would obviously complicate the situation even more, whatever it was.

"Carter. Look at me..."

The tiny little sparkling reflection in her eye was unmissable too.

"Sir... please."

"Oh my god Carter. What's wrong with you? What happened?"

"I... It's nothing sir. I'm really fine."

"Sam..."

"Si..." a finger placed on her lips prevented her from completing the ominous word.

"Sam..."

"I don't wanna do this any more."

"What... What don't you want to do?"

"This. All of this."

"What? The work here? The stargate program? What?"

"All of it!"

"Why? Someone bother you? You tell me..."

"No. No one bothered me. I just... I can't... I don't want to!"

"Carter. You love this place. No one loves what they do like you do... except maybe for Daniel."

"I know. And I do. I just... Sir. It's complicated."

"Are you getting married?"

"WHAT? No! God no..."

"Then what?"

"Oh my god sir!"

"What! I don't know. You're acting all weird. You wanna quit the only job you love, the thing you live for. And all this happens after you start dating some guy that makes you hum in elevators! What am I supposed to make out of that!"

"Excuse me?"

"Well am sure happy for you but I think you should pay more attention at your work, at least while you have it. Whenever you quit feel free to wander absentmindedly wherever and whenever you want. Till then you're still an Air Force Officer, Major!"

So much for the compassionate approach. This is getting ugly.

Green is in the air.

"Yes, sir!"

More sparkling reflections and turning away. If it weren't her lab, there'd be running away as well.

"Oh god, Carter. Am sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me."

Regret.

"It's alright, sir. You have every right!"

Again with the harshness.

"No it's not Ca... S...Carter... I just wanna help you. We all do. And we don't know what's wrong to try and fix it."

"Nothing's wrong, sir."

"Sam... please... let me help."

A sincere pleading worried look. That's compassion for you.

"Well you were right."

"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?"

"No! No... but it has to do with the guy I'm dating... Pete."

"Well then congrats... wish you all the best and all... in Denver was it?"

"Oh, sir! It's not like that. And it's kinda about..."

"What? About what?"

Pleading, choking up voice.

"About... the way you are acting... sir."

Throat clearing... on both ends.

Anticipating raised eyebrows.

"Si...I don't wanna go on like this. I don't wanna go meet other people, try to replace or suppress what I feel for... someone else. I don't wanna go on pretending. I don't wanna walk the fine line, between caring too much and feeling so much more. I don't wanna keep on wondering 'what if'. I don't... I can't... I can't go on like this everyday: seeing you, going on missions with you, sharing some stolen moments and then pretend like there's nothing there. Pretend that I can go on dating people. See you pretend that you're ok with it and happy for me. I can't!"

There it was Carter's infamous word bombard. She let her guard down for a second too long, and this was the result.

Now a baffled, speechless Colonel, with emotions seeping out of his eyes stood facing a blushed- from anger and from pure embarrassment- Sam.

We're at the crossroad.

Still there...

Silence...

Looks burning through space and between their eyes.

More silence...

More emotions...

A million words told by two pairs of eyes.

"You really wanna do this?"

"What? Quit?"

"Us."

"Y... yes."

"I'm going to Hammond."

"Sir... no.. wait..."

"Sam... I'm Jack... and unless Hammond has the right answers, you won't be the only one not calling me Sir starting tomorrow."

"No... you can't... I'll do it.. I can still..."

"Sam..."

Another look says it all. There's even no need to place a finger on her lips, because his eyes showed her his determination.

All it took was an explosion.

An outburst.

One single second of letting the guard down, on one of the two ends.

All these years and all that was needed was a few minutes of honesty.

Brutal, explosive honesty.

Without masks.


End file.
